The top fifteen Simon Cowell quotes

1. "If you would be singing like this two thousand years ago, people would have stoned you."

2. "If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning."

3. "My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business - DON'T."

4. "You don't need a judge - you need an exorcist."

5. "I don't think anyone in London is as bad as you - and London is a big city"

6. "That song does one of two things. It either transfixes you because it is a beautiful song or it sends you to sleep. And you fell into the latter. We've had the musical version of Valium."

7. "You sing like Mickey Mouse on helium."

8. "You take singing lessons? Do you have a lawyer? Get a lawyer and sue your vocal coach."

9. "There are only so many words I can draw out of my vocabulary to say how awful that was."

10. "You sang like a ventriloquist dummy."

11. "You sang like someone who sings on a cruiseship... halfway through I imagined the ship sinking."

12. "You have just invented a new form of torture."

13. "That was extraordinary! Unfortunately, it was extraordinary bad."

14. "I think you invented notes never ever heard before in music."

15. "When you stopped singing, that was the best part."