CANADA, YA GOTTA LOVE IT............

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

1. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges.
2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA

1. Big Rock between you and B. C.
2. Ottawa who?
3. Tax is 7 percent instead of approximately 200 percent as for the rest of the country.
4. Flames vs. Oilers.
5. Street parties with 40,000 people and no injuries.
6. You can buy an oil well. Many of them even have oil.
7. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.
8. The Americans below you are all anti-government and speak your language.

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN

1. You never run out of wheat.
2. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning.
3. Your province is really easy to draw.
4. You never have to worry about car roll-back.
5. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbor's house.
6. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
7. People will assume you live on a farm.
8. Buying a John Deere 8 wheel mower makes sense.

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beachfront property. Especially in spring.
2. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal government.
3. Thousands of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
4. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
5. You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work. Especially in spring.
6. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
7. Because of your license plate, you are still friendly even when you cut someone off.
8. Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO

1. You live in the centre of the universe.
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Separatist. Separate from what? You are the centre of the universe.
5. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.
6. Much Music's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV for a dollar.

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC

1. Racism is socially acceptable.
2. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians.
3. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbor will move out next.
4. Other provinces bribe you to stay in Canada.
5. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo *#!%".

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK

1. One way or another, the government gets 98 per cent of your income.
2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
3. When listing the provinces, everyone forgets to mention yours.
4. The economy is based on fish, cows, and ferrying Ontario motorists to Boston.
5. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick, except maybe the smuggling.
6. Everybody has a Grandfather who runs a lighthouse.
7. Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed fishermen.
8. You probably live in a small seaside cottage with no television and wireless DSL.

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA

1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
2. You are the "only" reason Anne Murray makes money.
3. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.
4. The economy is based on lobster and fiddle music.
5. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered Canada's most beautiful city.

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big, new bridge.
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
3. You were probably once an extra on "Road to Avonlea".
4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from.
5. The economy is based on fish, potatoes, and CBC TV shows.
6. Tourists arrive, see the "Anne of Green Gables" house, then promptly leave.
7. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
8. It doesn't matter to you if Quebec separates.
9. You don't share a border with the Americans, or with anyone for that matter.
10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND

1. If Quebec separates, you will get even more federal money..
2. In the rare case when someone moves to the Rock, you can make them kiss dead cod.
3. The economy is based on fish, seafood, and fish-related products. And screech, of course.
4. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
5. You and only you understand the meaning of GreatBigSea's lyrics.
6. The workday is about two hours long.
7. You are credited with many great inventions, like the solar-powered flashlight, waterproof towels, and the screen door for submarines.
8. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN the YUKON

1. Midnight sun. In summer.
2. Northern Lights. In winter.
3. More parks than tourists. Also more lakes than tourists.
4. You can walk on water. Especially in winter.
5. You can drive or snowmobile to the North Pole.
6. No industrial pollution, just lots of smelly tree-huggers.
7. You either work for the government or for government employees.
8. Millions of lakes and navigable rivers

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN EITHER OF THE NORTHWEST TERRITORIES

1. Midnight sun. In summer.
2. Northern Lights. In winter.
3. More lakes than tourists.
4. You can walk on water. Especially in winter.
5. You can drive or snowmobile to the North Pole.
6. If you are a Native, you get first crack at the good jobs.
7. "Dry" mines with no booze and ridiculously high pay.
8. Good fishing in walking distance from almost anywhere.

 

These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website:

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water. ..

Q: 1) Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada?
2) Can you send me a list of them for Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: 1) Yes.
2) No. Their location is secret.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Austria is that quaint little country bordering Germany, which is.... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. During the Winnebago migration seasons RVparks are a good place for that.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population?
(Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal, except at the hippo races in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's name. It's a kind of big horse with horns.(USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Except for Quebec it's fairly safe to attempt that.